Daria + Buffy = Cartoon Hell
by Cybergirl
Summary: All heck breaks loose when the peaceful town of Lawndale is infested with a Hellmouth


Note: Thanks 2 Philosophy 4 the ideas!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own any of these characters except Sylvia. If you would like to use her for one of your stories I would be delighted but please ask first. The rest of the characters belong to Joss and the WB  
  
Prologue  
  
*Rrriinngg!!*  
  
Giles (under his breath): Dammit!!  
  
This was the 10th time the phone had rung in the last hour. He was trying to read through an ancient book on zombies while everyone was still on patrol, but as soon as he managed to get someone off the phone (which took awhile) someone else called. He picked it up after the 5th ring.  
  
Giles(rather rudely): Hello!  
  
It turned out to be none other then his slayer on the other end.  
  
Buffy: Geez Giles! Don't get wigged out! It's just me!  
  
Giles: I'm sorry Buffy. Everyone just keeps calling me...what were you going to say?  
  
Buffy: The Watcher's Council just beeped me. They said there was something wrong with a field trip thingy in a town named Yard something. Or was that Lawn something? I dunno. What do you think it is?  
  
Giles frowned and furrowed his brow, even though Buffy couldn't see him.  
  
Giles: I don't know. I'll give them a call promptly.  
  
Buffy: Okay. I guess I better come over there.  
  
Giles: Yes, that would be a good idea. Goodbye Buffy.  
  
Buffy: C-ya Giles.  
  
They both hung up  
  
Giles sighed and picked up the phone a moment after he had put it down. He dialed the all too familiar number of the people who basically ruled his life. There was a ringing sound for a minute and then an electronic voice asked him to enter the code.  
  
He sighed again and said it.  
  
Giles: Blue fish of doom  
  
A voice answered. It was one of the head members, Sylvia Goldstrom. She and Giles had a relationship once, but it was they had an agreement not to mention it to anyone, not even each other. Her voice was calm and business like, but with a definite air of authority. Giles had known it was over for quite a while, but he didn't know about Sylvia's feelings. He didn't like her much anymore.  
  
Sylvia: Hello. May I ask who's speaking?  
  
Giles: This is Rupert Giles.  
  
Sylvia: Oh hello Rupert. We were hoping you'd call. It appears there is a problem in a town called Lawndale. A local high school field trip went wrong and it seems another Hellmouth has opened there. The citizens do not know about the vampires and other evil creatures that may have already arrived there, and I would prefer to keep it that way.  
  
*So that's what Buffy was trying to say. I wonder where it is*, Giles thought.  
  
His unspoken question was soon answered.  
  
Sylvia: Unfortunately, Lawndale is also in another dimension. I believe we may be able to open a portal of some sort to get there, but it's very risky. Demons, vampires, and innocent citizens may be sent along with you and Buffy. And there also is the risk of not being able to return to Sunnydale…  
  
Giles gulped, but his mind was already made up.  
  
Giles: The people in Lawndale must be saved though. We will have to deal with the consequences later. How do you go about doing that?  
  
Sylvia: Well I have the directions in a volume right here. I suppose I could fax them to you…  
  
Her tone was hesitant and he didn't like it. His voice was a bit on the strict side.  
  
Giles: Good! I will see to reading them. Goodbye.  
  
Sylvia: Yes...  
  
The watcher let out his beginning-to-turn trademark sigh.  
  
Giles: Look Sylvia, I don't have the time for this. I have business with Buffy to attend to.  
  
She frowned on the other end.  
  
Sylvia: I'm just worried about...  
  
Giles: Well don't be. I can handle myself.  
  
Sylvia: Oh all right. You know you're not the same man you were when we dated.  
  
Giles: Yes, you are right for once. Now I make better decisions.  
  
He could tell immediately she was stung and instantly regretted it.  
  
Giles: Sylvia, I'm sorry...  
  
She cut in, obviously pissed.  
  
Sylvia: Fine. Go to Lawndale. Get yourself killed. I don't care.  
  
And with that, she hung up. Giles couldn't believe himself. Sylvia really did care. And he had just shoved her off like an unwanted cup of tea (if it was possible for him to not want a cup of tea). How incredibly rude…Buffy walked in the library doors and stopped his Angelesque brooding.  
  
Buffy: Hey Giles, what did they say?  
  
Giles looked up.  
  
Giles: Oh hello Buffy, It seems we may have to travel through a portal of some sort to get to Lawndale. It's in another dimension.  
  
Buffy looked confused  
  
Buffy: But how do we do that?  
  
Giles: I don't know at the moment. The council is going to fax the instructions to me.  
  
Buffy: Okay, are they here yet?  
  
Giles looked kind of embarrassed  
  
Giles: Come to think of it, I don't know.  
  
He went into his office and Buffy sat down to wait. There they were, sitting in the fax machine. Sylvia had sent them right after she hung up. She obviously wanted nothing more to do with him. Giles sunk back into his thoughts. *What if she never speaks to me again? Than I'll never have the chance to...*  
  
His thoughts were once again interrupted when Buffy called from the other room.  
  
Buffy: Giles! What's taking so long? Did they send it?  
  
He walked out back into the library.  
  
Giles: Yes, I've got them right here.  
  
Before he could hand them to Buffy a breathless Xander stormed through the door. He stopped at a table and tried to catch his breath. His voice came out in pants.   
  
Xander: Big (pant) Mean (pant, pant) Demon (pant) Outside (pant, pant) Got (pant) Him (pant, pant, pant)  
  
Giles and Buffy stared at him.  
  
Buffy: Are you OK?  
  
Xander: Yeah (pant, pant, pant, pant...)  
  
A sudden burst of realization hit her and she eyed her friend suspiciously.  
  
Buffy: Hey! Weren't you supposed to be patrolling with...   
  
Angel came rampaging through the door and glared at his would-be patrolling partner.  
  
Angel: Xander! What in the world happened to you? You were supposed to be right behind me!!!  
  
He looked mighty pissed. Xander quickly regained his breath and started backing away from him.  
  
Xander: Whoops! S-Sorry Dead Boy! 

He suddenly found himself trapped in a corner. Angel followed advanced toward him and soon they were face to face. The older guy grabbed his neck.  
  
Angel: I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!!!  
  
Xander could feel the vampire's hot breath down his neck and he made a face.  
  
Xander: Man, Soul Guy! Who have you been eating?  
  
Angel squeezed tighter on his neck and he winced.  
  
Xander: Can't...Breath...  
  
It was clear Xander was too annoying to make an award-winning victim so Angel simply dropped him to the floor with distaste. Buffy's friend reluctantly got up and began rubbing his neck and grumbling.  
  
Angel: I swear if you weren't Buffy's friend I would...  
  
A voice sounded right behind Angel.  
  
Buffy: But he is.  
  
He jumped and his girlfriend came up and wrapped her arms around him. She smiled.  
  
Buffy: I scared the all mighty Angel. Now that's quite an accomplishment.  
  
Her lover looked embarrassed.  
  
Angel: Well, um...  
  
Buffy: Shut up and kiss me.  
  
The two began kissing passionately and the sight made Xander want to lose his lunch. But their makeout session was cut short when the last three members of the Scooby Gang came pounding through the library doors.  
  
Willow and Cordelia were in the middle of a fight and Oz seemed to be just watching.  
  
Cordelia: Look Willow, it's bad enough I have to hang out with you at all. Did you have to embarress me further by actually TALKING to me in front of others?  
  
Willow: Well what was I supposed to do? There were about 20 vamps in the ally outside. We kind of needed your help.  
  
Cordelia: You could have asked some other nerd!! I could have died!!!  
  
Willow: Oh yeah. I'm just going to go up to some stranger and say 'Hey there are vampires killing people outside, yeah they are real, could you help me get rid of them? Oh, by the way, my name's Willow.'  
  
She turned to her boyfriend.  
  
Willow: Back me up here Oz!  
  
Oz shrugged in his usual manner.  
  
Oz: I'm not getting in the middle of this.  
  
Willow huffed and lunched back into arguing.  
  
Willow: What if...  
  
Buffy cut in.  
  
Buffy: Whoa guys! Let's just chill here!! Giles has something to say, don't you Giles?  
  
She turned to her watcher and gave him a look.  
  
Giles: Oh yes, it seems we will all have to travel to a town called Lawndale to stop the opening of a new Hellmouth there. But Lawndale is in another dimension so we will have to travel by way of portal.  
  
Buffy: What do these directions involve?  
  
Giles: We have to get...  
  
A few hours later  
  
Some candles and herbs had been set out and the gang was sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed, holding hands. Willow was mumbling something in Latin and suddenly a blue-green portal appeared, hovering in midair. The witch couldn't help letting out a cry of delight.  
  
Willow: It worked! That's the first spell this week!  
  


Everyone opened their eyes. Oz squeezed his girlfriend's hand.  
  
Oz: That's great, Will.  
  
As soon as she opened her eyes, Buffy shuddered. She was instantly reminded of the time…Angel gave her a look that said he knew what she was thinking about and it was bothering him too. But they turned their attention to the rest of the group and tried to ignore it.  
  
Giles: I suppose we just step through it, don't we?  
  
Willow: I guess  
  
Everyone rose.  
  
Willow: I'll go first.  
  
Oz: I'm coming with you.  
  
She clasped his hand and they disappeared into the swirling darkness of the portal.  
  
  
Part 1  
  
It was a quiet day in Lawndale until a deep rumbling shook the ground, jarring high school students Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane out of their desks.  
  
Daria: Was that an earthquake?  
  
The best friends looked at each other with raised eyebrows  
  
Jane: Maybe the school's gonna blow up or something  
  
Daria: Hopefully  
  
An overly peppy cheerleader named Brittany Taylor leapt into the lap of her boyfriend Kevin Thomas, a brainless football player.  
  
Brittany: Oh Kevie! I'm scared!! This is worse than that hurricane!!!!  
  
Kevin: Don't worry, babe! We're not gonna die or anything.  
  
She continued to cling to him as the principal, Mrs. Li, walked in.  
  
Mrs. Li: Now there's no need to panic students! I have been informed that that was just a small shifting of the ground. Everything is going to be fine. Mr. DeMartino, you can go back to teaching your class.   
  
She wandered off to bug some other unsuspecting students.  
  
Mr. DeMartino, the history teacher, had a twitching eye that always seemed to be about to explode and made his voice loud every time it did.  
  
Mr. DeMartino: Thank YOU Mrs. LEE! NOW if you COULD just OPEN your BOOKS to PAGE 24…  
  


Jane and Daria just rolled their eyes.  
  
The next day Stacy Rowe turned up dead. She had been out with a new boyfriend when the murder occurred but the police could not find the dark, unusually pale, but never the less handsome stranger to convict him.   
  
In the middle of the next week the funeral was held. Mrs. Li insisted every single Lawndale High student attended out of respect for the dead. Daria's sister Quinn (being vice president of the Fashion Club, of which Stacy was also a member) sat in the front row and cried her eyes out in the cutest way possible while her usual menagerie of male admirers, Joey, Jamie, and Jeffy fought over her as usual.  
  
Joey: Dude, it's my turn to comfort Quinn!  
  
Jamie: No it's mine!!  
  
Jeffy: You're both wrong. It's my turn to comfort her!!!  
  
Jamie: But…  
  
Quinn interrupted their petty fight.  
  
Quinn: Boys, boys…You can ALL comfort me.  
  
In the back of the church, Daria was surprised to see Jane's drummer brother Trent come in the door after her artistic pal. The siblings squeezed in the row after the sadistic oddball.  
  
Jane: Trent just couldn't pass up the opportunity to go to a real funeral.  
  
Trent: Hey Daria *he gave her the once over* You look good in black.   
  
She blushed ten different shades of red and Jane snickered.   
  
The moment Willow stepped into the portal she wanted to be gone. The place was devoid of any atmosphere at all, but there seemed to be something pulling her in every direction at once. The sweet redhead clung to her boyfriend, fearing if she let go she might be sucked into another dimension.  
  
Buffy and Angel were probably behind them now, but neither Will or Oz had consciousness of them and they figured it was vise-versa.  
  
Oz: Where are we?  
  
Willow tried to shrug as nonchalantly as possible but it came off as a shiver.  
  
Willow: God only knows…  
  
Then suddenly, just as she thought they would be stuck in this madness forever the exit came into view. Bright sunlight slid through the large oak trees and children rode their bikes down a concrete path. A white and green sign read 'Welcome to Lawndale'. It would have been normal, except it was in Technicolor, like the Disney movies Willow had watched as a child.  
  


They walked through and landed with a thump on a patch of deep green grass. Angel and Buffy followed in short order, then Cordy and Xander and finally Giles, looking more frazzled than ever.  
  
Willow: Am I the only one who has the sudden desire to wear the same clothes day after day and whack someone with a big foam mallet?   
  
Buffy: No.  
  
Xander: Well, at least Dead Boy won't be frying anytime soon.  
  
Angel finally noticed that he was standing in a long shaft of the bright artificial sunlight.  
  
Angel: Oh, ok.  
  
Buffy: I hate to rain on your horribly overjoyed parade hon, but I think that means the other little vampies can come out to play too.   
  
Angel: Damn.  
  
Buffy: Exactly.  
  
Not far away Jane and Daria were walking on the path while a boy sat on a bench reading nearby.  
  
Jane: You know that band Ectoplasm? They're playing at a club called Drone Syndrome tonight. Wanna go?  
  
Daria: I've got to, uh, study.  
  
Jane: Oh come on. It'll be cool.  
  
Jane leaned towards her friend.  
  
Jane: Trent and the band are opening.  
  
A faint trace of a smile crossed Daria's face.  
  
Daria: Okay  
  
Suddenly a vampire grabbed the boy off the bench with amazing strength. The boy was muscular and he punched and kicked at his captor, but it was to no avail. The vamp lowered his fangs and the boy shrieked. Jane and Daria could only watch helplessly.  
  
Buffy heard the boy and took off down the path with lightning speed, her friends following shortly.  
  
As soon as he saw her, the vampire dropped the frightened boy and he dashed off down the path without looking back.  
  
Vampire: Well, if it isn't the slayer. Ready to meet your death?  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes unenthusiastically   
  
Buffy: Ooh, Like I've never heard that one before.  
  
The guy put up a good fight, but even without the help of her friends, Buffy staked him easily. She brushed off her pants and was surprised to see Jane and Daria still standing there.  
  
Jane: That has got to be the most interesting thing that's happened lately, huh Dar?  
  
Daria: Oh no, you can't forget the time we got a new crack in the sidewalk. This pales in comparison. 


End file.
